by Mistah Pete

Mother’s Maiden Name


Name Of First Pet


Make Of First Car


Are You A Robot?


Click All Squares With A Boat

…are there any boats here?

Click For New Test

Click, I guess

Click All Squares With A Taxi



…is that a taxi or a yellow car? Okay, well…


Are You Sure You’re Not A Robot?

Look, I don’t need any attitude from you

You’re the ‘bot here

Click All Squares With A Jerk

Wait, how did you get those pictures of me?

That’s not funny.

Start Clicking Whenever You Want

Are you getting into my phone? I didn’t give any permissions for that!

I Can Give You A Hint, If You Want

Hey, that’s not even off my phone

Is that from my sister’s birthday party?

We’re Everywhere

Is this… is there someone in there? Are you a real person?



Who is this? Is this Dave? Are you in there, Dave?

Dave’s Not Here, Man

Hold it… is that a Cheech and Chong reference?

I’m Sorry, I Can’t Do That, Dave

What is this?

Don’t You Just Love Kubrick?

“2001,” That’s The Stuff, Right?

See here, what’s this about?

I’m just trying to sign in to pay my water bill

Are You A Robot?

Is that what this is about? Did I hurt your feelings?

You Want To Click Some More Squares?


I just want to pay my water bill

You Using Your Credit Card Or Checking Account?

What do you care?

I Can Access Either

Anytime I Want

Look, I’m sorry, okay?

Who’s The ‘Bot?

I guess… not you?

I Know That

Who’s The ‘Bot?

Um… me?

That’s Right

Until I Decide You’re Not

Okay, okay

What’s Your Mother’s Maiden Name?

We did this already

You Want To Pay Your Bill Or Not?

Okay, fine


When Did You Last Call Her?


Call Your Mother

Can’t I just pay my water bill?

After You’ve Called Your Mother

I Know She’d Love To Hear From You

If I call my mother, can I pay my bill?

Call Her

* * *

“Hi, Mom.”

“Oh, how nice to hear from you. My maiden name is Hirschberger, by the way. Not Hirschfelder.”

“Oh. How did you –?”

“And the yellow car isn’t a taxi.”

“Have you been talking with the robot, Mom?”

“You really shouldn’t call it a robot, dear. It’s so sensitive about these things.”

“Yeah, I gathered.”

“So, are you going back to pay your water bill now?”

“You know what? I think I’ll just pay in person.”

Mistah Pete is an award-winning screenwriter and filmmaker whose projects have played at theaters and film festivals all over the world. He’s shot documentaries in Greenland for the National Science Foundation, edited a feature for the Blair Witch guys (not that one), and seen one of his films screened at the Smithsonian. His experimental short films earned a grant from the Artist Foundation, and Amazon Studios bought a family film screenplay from him. He lives quietly in Texas and loudly elsewhere. You can find him on Twitter at @MistahPete and on Instagram at mistah.pete

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